Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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