I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize