perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
