guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
