It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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