I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
