then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
