So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
