Your dad touched me again.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize