You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
