im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
a search helicopter?!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When did angry sex become our thing?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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