Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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