I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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