i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
