I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
