The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
