I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
