I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
