i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
