I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
