Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
