dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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