Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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