I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
