I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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