She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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