I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
