the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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