there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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