He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
