Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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