Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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