ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
