The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
