he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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