The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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