Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
