She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you have to choose: penises or morals?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
