Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
