I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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