At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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