the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just invented taco cereal.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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