One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
