What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
