I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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