Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it because I queefed?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
