You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
