i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I intend to get homeless drunk
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
