you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
