I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
