Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
