I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
