this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
