just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
