A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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