I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
