Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
