he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ketchup is God's man juice
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
