Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
there's paper in my vomit.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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