apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
