it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
