dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
