I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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