She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
