Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
