call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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