I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
