My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
