Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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