his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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