just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
