I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
