fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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