I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
